Is Heaven Really Better than "Infinity War?"

I had just returned from our Spring Break service trip when I fired up my computer. I had been mostly offline, save for a few e-mails and seminary things, and now I was returning to the world. And when I chose to peruse YouTube for a minute just to relax; I saw it. The video I had been waiting for. The new Avengers: Infinity War trailer had dropped. And I lost the next half hour to it.

I spent the next few days watching response videos, combing the interwebs for easter eggs, trying to find any juicy details that had not yet been discovered. As a superhero movie fan, and an even bigger fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I was hooked.

What came next was an odd thought: what if I die before it comes out? Or what if, for some reason, I don't get to see it? And then, came a prayer: “Lord, please let me see Infinity War before I die.”

Now, to be clear, I didn't verbalize this; I thought it. To the Lord. And then, I disregarded it for a while. But as we've been studying Exodus for a conference in May, I realized something about my prayer. I often live in two categories. Have a comfortable life, or an uncomfortable life. But there's a third life. A free life. One where I live in light of the fact that the shackles of death have been broken.

In Exodus 12, we see that God has conquered Pharaoh. He has plundered the Egyptians. And he has set the Israelites free. But there's one catch: they must leave in haste. No waiting. Just go. You're free to go and sacrifice to the Lord. Now go.

Of course, they go, only to encounter Pharaoh one last time, and again, God brings them to freedom. But how does that apply to us? We aren't enslaved to Pharaoh or Egypt. Is there anything we are enslaved to?

The answer should be simple: sin and death. Let's focus on the latter part of this, death. Now, this doesn't just mean death in the sense of when we die. It means we live in a fallen world. We live where all good things of God's creation have been corrupted. Suffering, oppression, racism, sickness, evil, it all exists here. And Heaven is where none of that will exist. In fact, in Revelation, God promises that He will wipe away every tear. So... wouldn't Heaven, where perfection will reign and we'll be face to face with the God who loves us, be better than anything this world has to offer? 

Now...that's not to say Infinity War shouldn't be watched – I'll be honest, Lord willing, I'm going to see that movie at least twice in theaters. It's the movie event of my lifetime. And I'll enjoy it thoroughly... unless the Russo brothers, the film's directors, completely botch it. (I highly doubt it)  But, if I never get to see it, will I ultimately miss out? If it's a choice between Infinity War, and Heaven, wouldn't the answer be obvious?

The point isn't that I necessarily have to choose between the two. Rather, the prayer reveals the heart. Most days, I don't think I value the promise of a life spent with Jesus face to face, without suffering, with eternal joy, more than other things. It shows in how often I make the choice to not share my faith, to not pray and spend time with God, and pray prayers like, “please don't take me before...” That's not to say we can't be excited for the events in our lives. Movies are fun. Sporting events are a blast. And beautiful things, like marriage, and the birth of a child, or a monumental birthday, are all great things that God lets us enjoy.

Let us cultivate a heart that longs even more for the great pleasures that are before God Almighty.

Are We Lambs Being Led to Slaughter?

Author's Note: This post has to do with some pretty deep hurts in my life. I talk about people who have left me over the years. If you are reading this, and the Spirit brings to mind that you might be one of those people, please rest assured that I forgive you, and that more importantly Jesus forgives you. And would you forgive me if I have sinned in any way that I have missed?

The first time I encountered Christian community, I was baffled by how sweet it was. People loved me because they loved me. People wanted to get to know me. They didn't care how weird I was or how much I annoyed them. They just wanted me to be there. When I finally became a Christian, one of the thoughts I had was, “I have the best friends ever, and nothing will ever break us apart.”

Fast forward about a dozen years, and the illusion is shattered. While I keep in touch with some of the people from that first group of friends, some of us don't talk much. Others don't like the ministry I work with. Others I don't talk with at all. And it seems that's been the case wherever I've gone. I meet people who genuinely love Jesus, or want to engage Him and seek Him. And I make some great friends. And I lose some along the way.

This isn't a knock on those friends. This isn't a hit piece. Rather, it's insight into a wounded and hurt soul, trying to wrestle with the emotions and understand. You see, my greatest struggle is being abandoned. It's been a theme in my life, one that is often a faulty core belief. It's tied into a line of thinking that goes like this:

“Why do people keep leaving me? Have I done something wrong? Is there something fundamentally wrong with who I am? With what I've aligned myself with? There must be something wrong if everyone keeps leaving. I must be unworthy. Who could love me? How could God love me? He also probably looks at me and is ready to walk out too.”

The people in the Roman church once struggled with similar feelings. In Paul's letter to the Roman Church, he asks them a thought-provoking question: “If God is for us, who can be against us?”

He follows it up with another question: “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?” After that, he lists about every fear possible. Every enemy, condition, or circumstance that could get in the way of Christ's love, followed by a quote from Psalm 44 which says:

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

If you look further into the psalm he quotes, you see more insight into the attitude of the psalmist.

“You have rejected us and disgraced us...”

“You have made us the taunt of our neighbors...”

“You have broken us in the place of jackels and covered us with the shadow of death.”

“Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever!”

Do you see what's happening? Paul quotes this psalm to a church who has a similar story to mine, and a similar story to the psalmist.

“Why are we suffering? Why are we experiencing conflict? Hatred? Famine? Persecution? Execution? Have you abandoned us? Are we just sheep being led to slaughter?!”

NO! In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. And he finishes by saying no power, no entity, nothing on earth or in the heavens can separate us from Christ if we have placed our faith in Him. This is incredible. Do you see how this intersects with my story?

“Why is everyone walking out on me? God are you going to walk ou...”

“NO! JESUS DIED ON YOUR BEHALF! I'm not going anywhere! You are my son, you will never be separated from me, and because of this you are more than a conqueror! And there is nothing that will change that!”

So, Christian. Are we lambs being led to slaughter? Maybe in this life. Maybe we have a life of sorrows. Maybe we experience friends leaving after friends leaving. Maybe we experience legitimate persecution. Maybe we experience extreme loss, or extreme shame. But that is never evidence that God has left us. Jesus is proof of this. So hold claim to the author of our faith, and the giver of Life.

Live in the Father's Presence

I pulled in front of an 18 wheeler with a small concern. My car had been randomly cutting out on me, and I would lose control of the steering and my car would stall. It happened two or three times already, and I was taking it to another mechanic to figure out what exactly was wrong. As I went to turn into the mechanic, I tried turning the wheel only to find it was nearly impossible to turn.

“Uh-oh.” I thought.

Thankfully, I was able to pull into the mechanic, my car stopping right in back of another car in the small shop's parking lot. Out of habit, I went in, dropped my keys off, and then started walking home (The mechanic was probably a mile away, so not that far of a walk) when I realized something.

God just happened to allow my car to make it to just the right location, at the right time, so that I would be protected.

Now, for a moment I reasoned with myself. “Come on, Zack. You think that God is in control of every detail of your life?'

Yes I do. And if the God I believe in is true, He absolutely got me to my mechanic safely, rather than being pummeled by an 18 wheeler. How good is our God? A few seconds earlier, at best I'm going to the hospital, and at worst, my wife is a widow.

It's a humble reminder that every detail of my life is in view of our heavenly Father. My thoughts. My words. My actions. My schedule. My work. My rest. My relationships. And most of the time, I live as if He isn't there. Much like getting out of the car and acting like nothing happened, I routinely live life as if it isn't miraculous that God is supporting the very breath that I breathe.

And because of Jesus, I know that the very fact that God is with me always brings such peace. Why, oh why, do I forget?

It's moments like these that remind me to praise God and worship Him throughout the day, knowing that each moment is in His view, and within His control. He is with me both in the good moments, and He stands by me in hard moments. He hears me when I speak to Him, and He knows me when I seek to hide from Him. He is with me as I live, and He will carry me home when I die. Oh would the comforting love of Jesus remind me that God is forever for me, and would it remind me to live life in light of His presence, always.

Never say Never...

When I graduated college, I was convinced I would never set forth in a classroom again. I hated school. I spent 17 years straight taking exams, making projects, writing papers, and reading endless books, and I was done.

Yet, when I felt a call into ministry, the natural question everyone asked was, “Are you going to seminary?”

I hated it. For one, I knew that I didn't want to be a pastor. I had been accepted into DiscipleMakers as a missionary to college students, and I loved the opportunities that I had there, so I started to resent this idea that it would be “better” for me to go to seminary and become a pastor.

Second, I was just tired of schooling. I wanted to be in the “real world.” I didn't want to be stuck in a campus bubble, nor did I want to be stuck in classrooms.

I vowed that I wouldn't go, not because I didn't see value in it, but because I thought everything I could learn, I would by being in the field.

It's been nearly ten years since then, and, much like all other times I've said, “Never will I ever...” God has gotten the last laugh. Starting January 2018, I will take my first class at Westminster Theological Seminary in pursuit of a Masters of Arts in Biblical Counseling. So how did I get from Spring 2008, where I said never, to now, where I'm begging for training?

1. God's Timing: While I trust God will use seminary for my good, and will further equip me, there was a lot of things I needed to learn while not in a classroom. I needed to learn to master and leverage my emotion for good, rather than let it control and consume me. I needed to face my fears of what people thought of me. I needed to crash and burn, and receive grace upon grace from Christ as I sought to learn from my mistakes.

2. Further Humbling: With those mistakes, I learned I knew a lot less than I thought I did, and in turn it made me more receptive to feedback, more patient to jump in with an opinion, and more quick to listen. This was very helpful, because in the past, I needed to prove myself. I had to be correct. And I was quick to defend any point that I had, because I, often wrongly, assumed it was contrary to Gospel. I needed humility to realize that I could learn in any and every situation.

Proverbs 4:7 says, “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.” The past ten years has helped cultivate an attitude (though not a complete one) of wisdom gathering, rather than prideful point-proving.

3. Understanding and Fine-Tuning my Gifts: One of the great things about working in campus ministry, and especially with DiscipleMakers, is that you have to learn so many different skills, even if you're not naturally good at them. But while I've become a far better swiss army knife, I've also learned where the Lord has gifted me over time. I hadn't realized it, but I realized one of my real passions was counseling. I deeply love digging in with people and helping them process the junk they have gone through, and there's some natural giftedness there.

But with that giftedness, I also see just how limited I am in this area. The more I explore and journey with people, the more I realize I'm stuck. Now, part of this is good. I'm not Jesus. I'm not the Holy Spirit. I don't have the power, nor the responsibility, to know just exactly how to access the heart. But I want to know how to be more effective. I want God to use me in ways that would bring miraculous healing to the souls and spirits of those most deeply hurting.

So... with faith in Christ, I'm doing the one thing I vowed I would never do: go to seminary. I might be crazy. I might fail. But I trust that God will use this for my good, and His glory. The fact that I want to go is a start. After all, He is the one that put it on my heart.

Beware the Story you Tell Yourself

In Christopher Nolan's film, “Memento,” Guy Pearce plays Leonard Shelby, a man who has anterograde amnesia. He can't remember anything for more than a few moments at a time, so he records everything with polaroid pictures and tattoos to retrace his steps. He's looking for a second attacker, who he believes killed his wife and and bludgeoned him to the point of his amnesic condition.

The big reveal, however, is after he kills one of the men who had been helping/using him. What we find out is that days before, this man who had been helping him shared information that exposed he had been using him. Knowing that he would forget this in a matter of moments, he wrote on the back of a polaroid not to trust this man, and tattooed this man's license plate number on himself, leading him to believe that this man was indeed the second attacker. He told himself a story that wasn't true, only to follow it so much that he would believe it as fact and act on it. It resulted in murder.

Stories are really helpful. They help us understand how we interpret life. They entertain us. We long for hopeful, happy endings, and we long to be affirmed and loved. Sadly, many of us have encountered huge bumps on the way to encountering our happy endings. Many of us, in fact, have been mistreated, abandoned, or wronged. The stain on the story can affect us dramatically, and for good reason: it wasn't supposed to be that way.

In Genesis 3, we see the beautiful story of mankind enjoying God in eternal bliss interrupted due to choosing a deceitful serpent's words over the trusting words of God. Beauty became chaos in an instant. And from that moment on, as sin and shame invade our life stories, we tell ourselves stories that are often more lethal and destructive than the bumps and bruises that we've encountered in our own personal stories.

None of us would say we are like Leonard. For one, we don't struggle with amnesia. And certainly, we would never murder someone because we believed a lie about them, right?

Yet, how often do we forget sin, brokenness, and God's sovereignty when we are wounded? How often, when we are busted and bruised, do we seek to destroy with our words? As hurting people, we can let our the stories we believe lead us down a destructive path. Much like Leonard of Memento, our hurt and confusion can lead us to devastating results, all because we reinforced over and over in our minds a story that is untrue.

How do we guard against this?

We remember God's Role: Frequently, God puts us in situations that we wouldn't put ourselves in. He sends Joseph to prison. He allows Satan to take everything away from Job. He sends Israel to exile. He directs Jonah to Ninevah. He places the disciples in the midst of a horrific storm. In all of it, He is seeking to bring about obedience, trust, and sanctification. No thing that happens to us is due to God turning His back, rather He is patiently trying to point our gaze back to Him. He cares far more about our heart than our circumstances.

We speak God's Word: Psalm 73 is a great lesson in this. As the psalmist pours His heart out about how he doesn't understand why the wicked have everything and he has nothing, He draws near to God. He spends time with God. “You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.” (v. 24) He listens to God's Word, and He speaks it to Himself.

We trust God's Greater Story: In the midst of the stories we tell ourselves, we must tell ourselves a better one. We deserve hell. We deserve wrath. We deserve abject alienation. We hated God. We disowned Him. And God's response is to come Himself and take on that punishment, so that He might reconcile us to Himself. The cross is the most pertinent image of this story, because if the cross is true, and we trust in Jesus' saving power, there is no sin, no action, no thought that can cause God to punish us. He can discipline and allow consequences, He can place us in difficult circumstances and hardships, but they never communicate God's wrath. Rather, they are meant to point us to God's love and mercy, that we might draw nearer to Him. Believe God's Greater Story of the Gospel.

God can bring us healing through our hobbies

Author's Note: This is the last post in a series stemming back from May 1st.  To see that post, click here.  Also, sometime soon, you'll be seeing a guest post in reference to this topic.

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” – I Corinthians 10:31

I stepped into my pastor's office for my first counseling appointment. I was convinced I needed help at that point, about a month after moving back into our home. I had been to the hospital, anxiety-driven sleepless nights continued to plague me, and I dreaded stepping onto campus. I felt ineffective in my calling, and I wondered just how I had gotten to this point. What would God have to do to help me finally be free of this affliction?

I expected extra-spiritual advice. What I got was far more profound. “Have you purchased a fire extinguisher?” he asked.

The question confounded me. I was here to talk about the state of my soul, and he wanted to talk about whether I had bought something. Yet, to my shame, I hadn't yet. “No...” I replied.

“Ok... buy a couple of fire extinguishers, make a fire plan for your family, and when you feel anxiety come on, go and either work out, or buy a punching bag, because adrenaline is coursing through your veins and you need a healthy outlet to work it out.”

“What?” I thought. The advice should have made sense, as the physical always affects the spiritual. But I was so stuck on the “spiritual” things that I could do (praying, fasting, bible reading, ministry), that I had never considered that my soul might be helped by normal life. Of course it made sense afterwards. I'm called to cast my anxiety on the Lord, but it's a lot easier to do that if I know I have a fire extinguisher in the house in case of a fire. I'm called to cast my anxiety on the Lord, and it's easier to do that if I can utilize the physical effects of anxiety, namely, the adrenaline fuel, to my advantage rather than my detriment.

Now, that's not to say I should give into anxiety, rather to recognize that there are ways to wisely combat the level of anxiety and struggle we have in our lives if we trust the Lord in the normal rhythms of life. It's good for me, as a husband and father, to love my family by securing our home with those extinguishers. It's good for me to steward my body. But is it ok for me to have a break?

That was the next thing my pastor brought up to me. “Do you have any hobbies?” He asked. I listed off a litany of them. “I blog, I read, I keep up with other blogs, I do stuff on campus, I...”

“Do you do anything not campus related?” He asked.

“Nothing that doesn't make me feel guilty,” I replied. I realized that as I had gotten knee deep in ministry, I had put undue pressure on myself to never rest, even if it was what I was thinking about. In hindsight, it was probably a level of self-righteousness, since I always was trying to fight against a previous reputation of being lazy. Rather than trusting Christ, I instead said, “I will always do something 'godly'.”

Now, of course, I wasn't actually being godly in doing that. But it revealed something to me that I hadn't considered for a long time: is it ok to do things without it being some sort of ministry? Is it ok to just enjoy God and what He has created?

The answer is a resounding yes! In fact, our entire posture should be one of FIRST glorifying Jesus for who He is. And how do we glorify Jesus? By rightly enjoying Him AND rightly enjoying His creation.

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities – all things were created through Him and for Him.” (Colossians 1:15-16)

Jesus, the image of the invisible God, created all things, and they were all created for Him. That includes us, and all of what has been created. As long as we enjoy things the way God intended them to be enjoyed, we have freedom. Yes, joyous freedom to enjoy Jesus AND enjoy all of the things He created!

So, I can watch football? YES! I can talk about and enjoy becoming a better cook? YES! I can play with my kids without making sure I make some witty gospel connection that day? YES! I can spend money on a vacation and enjoy good things that God has created? YES!

And what I found was, as I freed myself up to discover what I liked to do away from ministry, I found myself loving Christ more, and therefore, loving people more. I went to a live Ohio State football game for the first time in four years. I realized I would love to do it again, but that I don't need to for a while. I discovered just how much I love cooking. I rediscovered my love for writing fiction, and I spent more time with family. And you know what's crazy? These were the things that helped me heal more than anything; God's common grace displayed through things I enjoyed.

That's not to say we should become captive to our hobbies, rather to see them as strategic times of worshiping the God who created them! With that being said, here are a few takeaways:

1. Create space to enjoy hobbies, and share them with others

2. Experiment to find which hobbies you enjoy

3. Praise God for how He's uniquely made you

4. Praise God for how He uses these hobbies to grow your love for Him, and for others

We Can Persevere through Friendly Fire

Of all the posts I've written in regards to the six lessons I've learned (Find it here), this is probably both the hardest and easiest one to write. Hard, because I've learned that good intentions can often be the most painful, and easy because I know that it's something we've all wrestled through to some degree or another.

One of my early coping mechanisms (though I wouldn't have called it that at the time) after the fire was just really dark humor. I'd joke about how I would burn things down, I'd mention “at least you didn't burn your house down...” after a number of other comments, and other jokes that brought temporary relief. As I look back, they were probably more cries for help, saying, “I'm not ok, please engage.” Some did. Others joked back, and I quickly realized that I wasn't ok with that.

A similar experience was when I was overweight. I felt comfortable joking about being fat, but I never appreciated it when someone joined in the joke. Yet, people would see it as an invitation, not a cry for help.

When that happens, it's incredibly easy to villianize people.

“How could they do that? How could they say those hurtful things? They just don't get me. They don't understand. They don't want to understand.”

The problem is, when you're on the other side of the coin, it's hard to know where to start. It's a common issue this side of glory, and one that shouldn't be surprising. Ever since Genesis 11, where God confuses the speech of the peoples, there has been misunderstanding and language barriers, and the language barrier happens even when two people speak the same language. I tell a joke, the person who wants to genuinely help thinks, “Oh, he wants humor, that's what I will give him!” Suddenly, it falls flat, with both parties thinking, “What exactly went wrong here?”

Even Jesus, the greatest communicator, was easily misunderstood.

“From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.” But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” (Matthew 16: 21-23)

Jesus was telling them the truth; life-giving news that he had to suffer and die, so that He could be raised from the dead and defeat sin and death forever. But Peter responded poorly. He told God Himself that he was wrong. He fed Jesus one of the most deceptive temptations, one in which Jesus could win the world without suffering. It's so severe, that Jesus calls Peter “Satan”. This is friendly fire from one of the most influential men of human history. Peter, the rock of the church, and Jesus calls him Satan, because he wants to care for Jesus, yet he misunderstands Him and His purposes.

Now we don't know if Jesus was personally offended, but that doesn't matter. What matters is Jesus' posture towards Peter afterwards. He forgives and He entrusts. Peter's mistake doesn't alienate him, but Jesus calls out the mistake, and draws near. What a response of grace! And this is what Jesus does throughout his entire ministry. He's misunderstood, He endures fire both from foes and friends, and He willingly takes it on, and operates with a posture of forgiveness.

What does that teach us?

1. Believe that it's okay to be misunderstood – Many of us (myself included) can view the greatest sin is to not be understood. However, marriage has quickly dashed the illusion that I should be perfectly understood all the time. We must remember that, even when we are suffering, we will be misunderstood. More importantly, we must remember that we have a Savior who understands, because He has been misunderstood by everyone. Including you. (For reference, John 18, the trial of Jesus, is another great example of when Jesus is misunderstood, and it's to the point of his death.)

2. Keep short accounts – Recently, a friend had said a comment that he meant for good, but I took it as offensive. When I couldn't move past it, I brought it up to him. He was gracious, and responded kindly, and our friendship grew because of it.

One note, when you are in deep suffering, the temptation is to expect all people to know how to care for you. While we need to grow and be sensitive to where people are at, we must remember that all people are finite in their capacity and understanding.

3. Be honest – When you are hurting, you need to share and speak openly. First, we must do this with Christ. A good friend of mine reminded me that Psalm 88 is hopeful, not because of its content (it ends by saying “darkness is my closest friend”), but because the psalmist is crying out to the Lord. Second, find a friend or two who you can really trust, and you are willing to fight with. People who you can share deeply your most raw emotions and frustrations (including your struggles with how you've been treated), as well as people who you can fight with and forgive when they don't understand.

4. Tell people how they can help you – A friend of mine recently told me how a comment I made wasn't helpful, and they were longing to be affirmed instead. This completely changed how I thought to care for this person! Good friends want to know how to better care for you.

5. Remember, not everyone is meant to help you through this specific season – There are some people that I've stayed away from during this season. That's not because I don't love them, nor will I avoid them forever. But without humility and grace on both sides, sometimes space is what is needed. And that's ok. Not everyone needed to know how I was struggling with things. Jesus all ready knows. And He will provide exactly who you need to help walk alongside you.

We can find Joy in God Alone

“All authority on heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations...” – Jesus (Matthew 28:18a)

The above quote is the verse that our ministry's name comes from. We are DiscipleMakers because Jesus commanded us to make disciples. I'm passionate to see young men and women give up everything to follow Jesus, because that's what he calls every Christian to do. But what happens when you give that call, but distractions get in the way? Or a certain lesson isn't sinking in? Or someone really struggles with a particular passage of scripture?

For me, the answer was simple: “Work harder.”

I went to campus more, spent more time thinking about ways to help students grow, considered all sorts of different strategies. Even when I was spending time with family, I was checking my phone, thinking about how I could reach students differently. I would watch movies feeling guilty, thinking 'maybe I should be on campus right now.'

For the record, the guilt was produced on my own. It's easy in this day and age to blame others for how people make us feel. It's the cultural norm. But no one in DiscipleMakers told me to think and act this way. No one expected me to work 24/7 on campus. No one expected me to eat, breathe, and sleep campus ministry to the detriment of myself and my family. The problem was far more internal. I wanted people to think I was good at my 'job.' I wanted to be recognized as a good campus minister to my students, to my teammates, to my supporters.

God was gracious to me to give me a wake up call.

After we moved back into our home, I found myself unable to sleep. Part of it was I kept imagining the fire. But there was something else keeping me awake at night. It was the dread of a new semester coming. Dread, not of the students, or the preaching and teaching of the Word, but of failure.

“What if it all falls apart?” I thought. “What if all I am is just some fraud, who was never really cut out for ministry? What if I'm just the black sheep who will always be a failure?'

It was that thinking that led me all the way to a panic attack the first day of classes. I was so underprepared for the beginning of the semester, that the normal fears and anxieties were amplified to the point where I couldn't push them to the side any longer. And I landed in the hospital.

I wondered for a while what had happened. How could I have let this happen?

For one, I failed to realize the first part of Jesus' call to make disciples. “All authority has been given to me...” Who has authority? Jesus. Who's mission is this? Jesus. Who calls me to this mission? Jesus. Exactly when did the mission become all about my personal success and failure? And when was my personal success defined by results? When was ministry defined by what I produced?

It's through this whole thing that I re-learned an important lesson. Ministry is an outflow of the one who has all authority. The more I am in awe and wonder of Christ, the more I'm compelled to do ministry. The more I love God, the more joy I have regardless of the state of our ministry. And the more I love God, the more I want to see Him move in the lives of others, and the more I trust Him to move in the lives of others.

This past Fall was a great example. I was more limited than I had ever been. I was on campus less, recovering more, and wondering, “what is going to happen?” What happened was student leaders had more ownership, more young students were excited, and disciples were made. We had our largest first-year class ever, more investment in the bible, and more and more people clamoring for discipleship.

And as I got back on my feet, I realized how much I wanted these people to find joy in God. Not in their progress. Not in their discipling. Not in their bible study skills. In God. His character. His majesty. His holiness. His power. His mercy and grace.

If God is our joy, the pressure of results seems to fade away. We trust God when He says to take sabbath rest. We trust Him in our rest, knowing that He is working in our waiting. And when it's time to work, we work by faith, believing that He is Lord of the Harvest.

Have you believed Jesus' words, “It is finished?” (John 19:30). Have you believed that Jesus' “yoke is easy, and his burden is light?” (Matthew 11:30) Have you believed when God says, “I am the Lord. I have spoken, and I will do it.” (Ezekiel 37:14). Have you believed “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold?” (Psalm 18:2) Have you believed that He, “has put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound?” (Psalm 4:7)

We can rejoice when we have positive results. But it is greater still to find joy in our great God, who can be our joy even when our results are lackluster. He will always allow us to find joy in Him, if we seek it. Despite our circumstances, our results, and our condition.

We Can Find Rest in God's Scriptures

We all sat in the dining room, primed for a weekend of fun. To confirm our geekdom, me and six other men travelled to Bethany Beach for a board game trip. That's right. We went to the beach, so we could play board games. One of my friends suggested we do a short devotion each day, and I was up to lead first. And I was nervous. “We're here to play board games,” I thought to myself. “Are the rest of the guys really going to want to be in the Word?”

This was a dumb question. Yet, it's a question we ask ourselves all the time, whether it's in private or public.

What astounded me, however, was how these short devotion times became hour-long bible studies that deeply rocked us to the core. After our trip, there was no denying that there was one highlight for each of us during the trip: exploring the riches of God's Word, and growing more in awe of Him and His character.

Though I was surprised, I really shouldn't have been. God had been confirming both the beauty of His Word and the therapy it brings throughout one of the most difficult seasons of my life. Yet, how often do we forget this? God's Word routinely speaks to how it is the source of life, and how it confirms God's authority and reputation:

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.” (Psalm 1:1-2)

“I Am the LORD; I have spoken, and I will do it.” (Ezekiel 36:36b, 37:14b)

And not only is it the source of life, but all of it trains us in righteousness:

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

The scriptures bring rest because they make promises that are kept. They reveal to us a God who is all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving, and all-just. They reveal to us a God who is big enough to hope in, and a God who is big enough to deliver on His promises. They help us discover a God who is so complex that we could never fully understand Him, yet a God who is willing to reveal Himself enough to know Him personally, enjoying that we can discover Him for all eternity. They help us live in tune with God's desires, they give us wisdom when we feel lost, and they give hope when it seems like the world is burning down around us.

The scriptures are not just wise writings, they are the words of God, and they reveal who God is. And that God is the one we hope in. We hope in Him when things are bleak. We hope in Him when life is good. How do we know this? Because God's Word shows us how people praise Him in those seasons, and in every season in between!

“On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased.” (Psalm 138:3)

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.” (Psalm 51:1)

“Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary, praise him in his mighty heavens!” (Psalm 150:1)

“O LORD, God of my salvation; I cry out day and night before you.” (Psalm 88:1)

Whether we have full happiness, we see answered prayer, or when we see our hearts mired in sin or when it seems all hope is lost, we see the scriptures dictate that our minds, our hearts, our prayers, our hope should be pointed towards God. And the only way that we can even do that, is because the scriptures reveal to us Jesus.

“And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he (Jesus) interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself.” (Luke 24:27)

Why can we rest deeply in God's Word? Because His Word is what points us to God Himself. He is the object of our faith, and our hope. Whether you're on vacation, or at work. In peace time, or during war. During deep trauma, or times of refreshment. Rest deeply in God's Scriptures.

We can Flourish in God's Church

“Marry the church.” – Brian Seay (DiscipleMakers Staff)

My heart sank as I looked over my lawn. It had grown for nearly three months without much maintenance, and resembled more of a wild field than a lawn of a homeowner. It was one of what seemed like an endless list of things I had to get done, without an end in sight. Yet, the day we moved back into our home, a number of people rushed to our home to help. In fact, with the yard alone, we had three people who took shifts to mow it. After numerous hours, we finished, and it, along with nearly every other task, was done.

“It's amazing how belonging to the church brings much help, I can't imagine what it's like for someone who isn't in it,” one of the people remarked. It was a staggering comment, and one I haven't forgotten. It reminded me that there are benefits to being an active member of the local church, and it's this: you're a part of a family. And healthy families involve each member seeking to love each other.

That's not to say that church members shouldn't love non-church members, rather, there is a different love that can only exist within the church, and that's for many reasons. One, we are unified by the Holy Spirit which dwells within us. Two, our love for Jesus trumps all other objects of worship. That includes people, possessions, and more. That's why Jesus says in John 13:35, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” The church is a family. And not just any family, it's the family of God. And the family of God loves one another.

Now, you might be asking, “why don't I feel the love?”

It's a good question, and one I've asked often. As I've gone through the past year, let me give five reasons why you may not feel the love of the church.

1. You expect more from the church than Christ himself: I often expect that people should know how to care for me, and when they don't, I distance myself. I too often believe that I should be perfectly understood, and if I'm not, they don't care. This is not only untrue, it's not fair. The church, while meant to care for one another, is not meant to be Jesus. Jesus understands perfectly. Jesus cares perfectly. And Jesus is sufficient in his care. Part of that care is him working through the church. The church, however, is not Jesus. We must not put our hope that people will care for us perfectly, because people are both sinners and limited in their abilities.

2. Your local church is struggling in the areas that you need to flourish: Speaking of limitations, it's very possible the local church you are a part of struggles in areas that you need care in. That's hard. The temptation is to blame, to grow bitter, or to abandon. Depending on the care you need, it might mean leaving that local body to go to another that can better fit your needs. Or, it might mean stepping up to help it flourish in its areas of weakness. If it's a matter of care where you are in deep depression or anxiety, it might be good to find help in a place that might be better suited to help at that current time.

3. You're fearful to let people walk with you based on past experience: I'll speak more on this in a future post, but people make mistakes in caring for people. This cultivates fear and bitterness if it goes unaddressed and, for many of us, leads to isolation. Don't fall into that trap. Isolation is a great way for the flesh, the world, and Satan to bring more destruction. Open up to one or two people, and then more over time. And have grace for people when they make mistakes in caring for you.

4. You're there to be fed, not to serve: Too often, I think of the church as an institution to meet all my needs. But that's not what the church is. The church is a family, not an institution. And families serve one another. Ask yourself, “am I here to be solely a consumer?” If the answer is yes, then there's an opportunity to repent, and move towards your spiritual family with the heart of a servant. (As an aside, sometimes there are seasons where you might need more care, and you're not in much of a position to serve. That's ok. You can serve by helping people know how to better care for you, which in turn will strengthen you for future service.)

5. You're there to serve, not to be fed: On the other side, it's easy to become the savior. I'll do all the ministry, and all the work, and I'll meet with all these people. But we forget that this family has one savior, and it's not me, nor is it you. Remember that as we serve, we also must allow Christ to serve us through the church. If you are in need of love and care, it's not bad or wrong to ask. In fact, it's good and right for us to share our weakness, so that we can bear one another's burdens.

As the quote above states, we should be compelled to “marry the church.” To marry means that we enter into a covenant. It's not a contractual agreement, but rather a commitment. We commit to being part of the body of Christ, both in it's joys and sorrows, in its strengths and its weaknesses. We are to be a part of it, to serve in it, and to rejoice in it's building through the work and power of the Gospel. And as we do that, not only do we see its beauty, but we, and the church, will flourish. We see that God is wise to bring unique people, with unique gifts, with unique passions, together to band as one family serving one another in hopes that we might bring more in the fold, and bring God glory. Do you see it? Do you see its beauty? Are you in awe of what God is building?

Before you critique or distance yourself from the church, ask yourself this question: am I missing out on how God is establishing and building his church because I'm over-focused on its faults?

Don't miss the messy flourishing of God's church.  Don't miss the opportunity to flourish within it. 

We can Trust God's Faithfulness

On August 22nd, I sat in a hospital bed wondering what was happening to me.  I woke up at 3:30 AM with chest pains, panicked that I might be suffering a heart attack, and drove myself to the hospital (in hind sight... if I were actually suffering a heart attack, this was probably a bad idea.).  The ten days prior I couldn't sleep, flashbacks continued to invade my mind as we moved back in to our home.  While our house, and our once-torched kitchen, looked like new, it couldn't erase the memories.     Details continued to pile up, between getting the house organized, starting a new semester, connecting with our team, I felt trapped.  And as I sat in that hospital bed, even though the doctors reassured me that I was ok, I knew something was wrong.  I felt like I was in real danger.

When we think of God's faithfulness, we tend to think of how He has helped us.  He brings resolution.  For three months, I saw God's faithfulness.  I saw it in four families offering their homes to our family.  I saw it in my mom and dad, grandparents, friends, and even the Red Cross offering us financial gifts.  I saw it in our premium insurance coverage which, when first purchased, I had to be talked into buying.  We were brought meals, we got all new furniture and our kitchen looks better than ever.  We traded in amateur paint jobs for professional ones, new carpeting and appliances that we didn't have to pay for to upgrade. 

It was clear through all the blessing, God was faithful to us. 

But what about when things don't resolve?  What do you do when everything seems covered, but your soul is downcast?  What about when it's fractured? 

Before our first large group meeting (when we lead students in a time of worship and preaching of God's Word) I was printing outlines for the students, and the printer wouldn't work, and something in me snapped, and I wept for nearly 15 minutes straight.  This was after my episode in the ER.

"What is wrong with me?" I thought.  "God... where are you?" 

Was God unfaithful by leaving me in a spiritual desert?  Or was He faithful to bring me there?

"And a voice came from heaven, 'You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.'  The Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness.  And he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan..."  (Mark 1:11-13a)

This passage is about Jesus.  Jesus, who was confirmed to be God's beloved Son, is propelled into the wilderness one verse later.  He's there for forty days, tempted by Satan.  Now, in other gospel accounts, we know that part of the reason He's there is to be the better Israel.   

But there's still a reaction to how these verses go.  On one hand, he's called beloved and Son.  The other, He's propelled out.  What?  If God is faithful, how could He do that to His own Son?  How is that faithfulness?  Isn't faithfulness about protection and safety?

Later in Mark we see that's not the case, as Jesus is unjustly tried, and then crucified.  How was God faithful there?

The obvious answer is the resurrection.  The salvation of humanity from sin and eternal damnation by grace through faith in Christ.  And God is glorified through it. 

How is God faithful in bringing us in the desert?  By making us see Him as more beautiful.  More precious than gold, greater than any treasure we think we have. 

Consider Job.  He lost his wealth, health, possessions, and children.  His wife told him to abandon God, his friends falsely told him that his calamity was his fault.  And as Job demands an answer from God, God responds not by answering his plea, but reminding him who He is.

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
    Tell me, if you have understanding.
Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
    Or who stretched the line upon it?
On what were its bases sunk,
    or who laid its cornerstone,
when the morning stars sang together
    and all the sons of God shouted for joy?" (Job 38:4-7)

Now, before we forget, God loved Job.  Job was a righteous man in God's sight.  And He let Satan take everything from him to prove he wouldn't renounce God!  In other words, Job was a faithful, righteous man.  And God knew that!  That's why he was selected for torment.  And as Job cries out for 37 chapters, God comes and responds, and He doesn't say, "wow, Satan put you through a lot.  Maybe that was harsh."  No!  He challenges Job.  He asks him, "where were you...?"  The point obviously being "Job, you weren't there when I created the world, when I created its very foundation, when I put the stars in the sky, but I most assuredly was, because I was the one who did it."

The miracle of Job is not that Job's fortunes are restored.  It's that Job's sight is elevated to see the grace and mercy of God in that He would take away everything so that He might hold fast to the greatest treasure, God Himself.

"Then Job answered the Lord and said:

“I know that you can do all things,
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
    things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. 

 ‘Hear, and I will speak;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.’ 

 I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
    but now my eye sees you; 

 therefore I despise myself,
    and repent in dust and ashes.”  (Job 42:1-6)

Look at Job's response.  It's one of awe, awe of God's character, His wisdom, and His holiness.  And in v. 6, we see the beauty of what God does.  If you have a bible, there's a footnote over the word repent.  And the word could be also translated as "am comforted."  While he despises himself, he is comforted.  Why?  It's because he has seen God, convicted of his narrow-sighted view, and now sees God more appropriately.  He's no longer concerned with what he's lost, but with his view of the God of the universe.  

This is why God was so faithful to put me through this journey.

"God, what about my home?"  

"God, what about my reputation?"

"God, what about my ministry?"  

"God, what about my friends that I seem to be losing?"

"God, what about my family, are they disappointed?"

"God, what about my emotions, my sleep, my comfort?"  

"God, why won't you answer me and deliver me?!"  

"Because I am the Lord, and I don't answer to anyone.  Your hope is in earthly things, I'll strip them away.  Your hope is in how great your ministry is, I'll make you see the crushing weight of it.  Your hope is in sleep, I won't let you.  Your hope is in what people think, I'll show you how futile it is.  Why?  Because I am the Lord, and I am what you need."  

Obviously, that isn't from the bible.  It's not a prophetic word that I received from God.  It's my application from the hard season.  God has been deeply faithful to me.  Why?  Because my joy has become far more rooted in knowing Him.  Knowing His wisdom, His glory, His beauty.  

It's why we can trust God's Faithfulness.  Even when our circumstances are in the tank.  Because God is always moving us to see Him as our greatest need.  Our greatest desire.  Our greatest hope.   And He's willing to do whatever it takes to get us there, even if it means putting us in the desert.

  

Six Lessons from a Hard Year

May 2^nd, 2016, the day that sparked a whole slew of difficulty and hardship. The fire uncovered deeper issues of pride, anxiety, and shame, and moved me through really painful conflict with dear friends. Now, a full year later, there is much to rejoice over. Our home has been restored to us. We have a new perspective on a number of different areas of life and ministry. And our love for Christ is higher.

There were a number of lessons I learned, each one I will expound upon in future blog posts. This is more an overview of those lessons.

Here are six lessons I learned from a difficult season:

1. God is faithful, in both small and big parts of life: When the fire first hit, my neighbors were outside to bring fire extinguishers. Hours later, the red cross showed up with disposable toiletries, a $500 pre-loaded visa gift card, and two mickey mouse stuffed animals for my boys. My parents, grandparents, and friends gave us money, gift cards, and so many other things to care for us. Our insurance company was absurdly generous with us, giving us a dining stipend, paid for the replacement value of the house, and kept us in the loop the entire way. A number of families let us stay with them for the duration of the time we were out of the house, never leaving us without a bed, shelter, or food.

When I suffered from the anxiety and depression caused both by the trauma and underlying things that had gone unaddressed in my heart, God provided wise, compassionate, Christ-loving men and women to walk alongside our family.

2. The church is amazing: I don't mean this in terms of our local church (though, Winfield Baptist is pretty great). I was astounded to see the church universal surround us with love, mercy, and generosity. When we moved back into our home, so many people came to help. It was great.

What was greater was how, as I invested more in the church, my soul continued to stir with praise and joy. There were many times I didn't want to get out of bed and lead my family to go to church. I saw it as drudgery. A chore. An extension of work. As I immersed myself more into the community, God was faithful to remind me that I was there not only to be a blessing, but to be blessed by my eternal family, as we all worshipped the eternal God.

3. The scriptures are both our greatest counselor and our greatest comforter: I can't tell you how often the scriptures have come alive to me in this season more than any other. I read about feeling shame, and I was encouraged how Jesus has cared for MY shame. I saw how the psalmists cried out for relief, and I found myself crying out to God for my relief soon after. I routinely found myself weeping or finding joy and encouragement in ways I had not enjoyed before or as frequently.

4. God, not ministry, must be my primary joy: One of my reasons for anxiety this past year was the feeling of having to do everything. It crushed me. But, as I placed my hope and joy in Christ, the weight of my own expectations, and the perceived expectations of others, faded and gave way to the compelling pleasure of my Heavenly Father.

5. We must have grace for those who fail to love us well: This is so hard. But it's necessary. While the church was so great, I was often hurt by friendly fire. At times I was admonished when I needed encouragement. At times I needed a listening ear rather than an instructive tongue. At times, I needed someone who mourned with me, rather than a casual joke to artificially lift my spirits. Those were hard moments as I tried to move past deep pain and trauma. But, there needs to be grace. And as I loved, forgave, and believed the best, those hard moments became teaching moments for me and others, as well as an opportunity to remember that God is growing all of us to become more and more like Him.

6. Hobbies are necessary: It's so hard to believe that hobbies are ok, because of all the commands in scripture to be deliberate and intentional. Yet, I believe the scriptures hold those commands in line with our need to rest from work, and part of that rest is enjoying the creation that God has made! I still haven't found all of my restful hobbies, but I know that most Saturdays, my soul was rejuvenated by faithfully choosing to use my smoker to make pulled pork and watch football. My soul was rejuvenated as I traveled, and my soul has been rejuvenated as I have made time to spend with family and friends.

God uses hard seasons to draw us closer to Himself. And in the midst of this season, He has not only taught me to love Him more, but also that joy is to be found, even in the midst of hardship and chaos.

The Greatest Treasure

I was in Minneapolis for a pastor's conference in January, and one of my favorite preachers and authors, John Piper, was set to preach. I was very excited. His influence through his writing and preaching has impacted me ever since coming to Christ, and I was going to have the opportunity to hear him preach live.

He came to the podium for the first main session, began to speak, and for the next 45 minutes, I heard a very forgettable sermon. In fact, it was so forgettable, I don't remember the text he preached from, nor do I remember the main point. I don't even remember sub-points.

I was surprised. As a growing preacher, the key things I always make sure to do is go back to the text, have a clear main point, have a clear flow of thought, clear sub-points, etc. And here was a preaching veteran, and I couldn't remember any of them.

Now, the point of this isn't to tear John Piper down. In fact, the most memorable moment of the conference came from that very talk. It was John Piper's joy itself. He spoke about God and His Glory, His Gospel, His Godness, His Holiness, and Piper was awestruck. He loved God. He treasured God. So much so that I could hear it in how his voice changed, how his eyes watered, and how his face brightened when he spoke about Him.

He wasn't here solely to tell pastors how to do their job. He wanted them to be refreshed by the most beautiful and woundrous entity, the one who is everlasting hope and joy.

I shouldn't have been surprised. His book “Desiring God” is devoted to the idea that the chief end of man is to love God and ENJOY Him forever. But it was a sight to see Piper genuinely reflecting his true treasure. It made me wonder, how often do I stop at theology and doctrine without allowing it to impact my soul?

How often do I read my bible, pray, or do evangelism and discipleship because I treasure Christ?

How often is my goal to get people believing the right things, without pointing them to the pleasure of knowing the right person?

The great thing about Piper is that he loves good doctrine. He loves the bible. He loves the mission that God has given us. But that's all driven by his passion to love Christ more than all other things. It drives his study, his preaching, his prayer life.

To be clear, his passion is not driven solely be emotion. I believe it's driven by priority. The priority of spending time with God, of learning about God, communing with God, giving things up for God, because He is worth it.

Where is our treasure? Is it in God? Or in what we can get from Him? Do we treasure being right? Do we treasure possessions? Or do we treasure our creator, savior, and redeemer?

Start with what you truly believe. Do you believe God is your greatest source of joy? Are you cultivating that joy with reading God's Word and prayer? Are you serving Him by sharing the Gospel with others and making disciples? Are you giving faithfully and cheerfully to God's Mission?

Treasure Christ. Treasure Him above all else. Treasure Him with your mind. Treasure Him with your heart. Treasure Him with your actions.

He is our great joy, our greatest reward. Are you missing out?

Why Do We Hate Grief?

Twelve percent. That was the Rotten Tomatoes score that the movie “Collateral Beauty” received. Of course, I found that out after I spent my $1.59 to rent the movie so my wife and I could watch it. “How on earth could a movie with Will Smith, Helen Mirren, Keira Knightly, Kate Winslet, and Edward Norton score that low?” I pondered. Those aren't just good actors, they are the best of the best!

After we watched it, I could some of the reasoning behind its low score. The story and dialogue weren't great. It was clogged with too many characters, each with their own deep struggles, and yet it was a fairly sappy and predictable. And, while the actors are GREAT actors, the writing doesn't aid Winslet or Norton in their performances. In fact, a good majority of the film feels pretty forced. Despite this, I still don't understand how this movie received one-fourth of the positive rating that Power Rangers got (I say that both as a Power Rangers fan, and as someone who LOVED the movie).

Then, I wondered if part of the struggle was not solely in its cinematic elements, but the content itself. The plot follows Howard (Will Smith), who was a charismatic advertising executive that lost all zeal for life after his six-year-old daughter died. His friends and co-workers (Norton, Winslet, and Michael Pena) are concerned that they may lose their jobs, and on the surface, seem selfishly motivated to get Howard to lose his voting share. They then hire an “acting group” (there's a not so subtle twist) to help him process and hopefully be back in his right mind to lead their company. They pose as Love, Time, and Death, three characters that Howard wrote to in the beginning of the film, and as they come to Howard, they help chink away at the deep suffering he had held within himself for three years.

Part of the story, however, comes when each of these “actors” engage the three friends, revealing that they all are also wrestling with forms of suffering. A father doesn't know how to engage his estranged daughter. An older, single woman feels like she's running out of time to have children. And a family man with a newborn finds out he has terminal cancer. Love. Time. Death. Predictably, they are changed by their encounters with each actor's portrayal of those three things. Unpredictably, I was moved by all three to the point of tears. More on them later.

While the movie could easily be accused of being too simplistic in how it handles grief, I considered a counter-point. Grief is so complex and hard, that we often don't know how to handle it. So we don't. We pour ourselves into other things. We say all the right things. We ignore the pain by numbing ourselves with sin and escapes, we hide our weakness and seek to cover it with insufficient coverings. I might even suggest that we avoid or criticize movies and stories that deal with grief, so we don't have to actually grapple with it.

Will Smith and Helen Mirren, who portrayed 'Death,' illustrate this with one interaction. As she speaks to the grieved character, he fires back, using the simple statements that were said to him as ammunition. One by one he fired, each from a broad spectrum of religions and worldviews, including Christianity. He ends by reeming her out for stealing his daughter, and not trading his life for hers.

Grief is raw. It's hard. And, as a Christian, it's easy to logically reason through his anger and why Christians say what they say. And yet, there's something about his grief that deeply resonated. Grief is not solely about getting the right truth. It's moving towards that truth in the midst of the deep mess, pain, and sorrow. It takes one step towards the right person, and sometimes it's hard to find what that first step is. At times, it's reminding yourself of what's true. In others, it's learning to share your deep, raw emotions with God. That's what we see in the Psalms. Psalm 88 ends with an amazing accusation against God. “You have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me.” How could he say that against God? Yet, it's in the bible. There's no resolution. Why?

Because grief is a hard journey to wade through, and God wants to meet you in the mess. Unfortunately, the best way to miss God is to not be honest with ourselves about how much pain and sorrow we are actually grappling with. We're too fearful of sharing our deepest scars with God and with others. And sometimes, we really just don't want to do the hard work of walking alongside someone who is deeply grieved, because it's messy, unexpected, and takes time. And, if we're honest with ourselves, we don't want to confront the darkest things within us, and sometimes, we don't want to see the darkest parts of other people.

Thankfully, Jesus not only helps us see it; He endured it too. Because of His endurance, it gives us access to the God who is the greatest refuge for our pain. I love the song “Sovereign Over Us” by Aaron Keyes. Here's what it says:

“There is strength within the sorrow
There is beauty in our tears
And You meet us in our mourning
With a love that casts out fear
You are working in our waiting
You're sanctifying us
When beyond our understanding
You're teaching us to trust

Your plans are still to prosper
You have not forgotten us
You're with us in the fire and the flood
You're faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

Even what the enemy means for evil
You turn it for our good
You turn it for our good and for Your glory
Even in the valley, You are faithful
You're working for our good
You're working for our good and for Your glory.”

We hate grief. We hate being in it. We hate seeing people in it. But we should expect it. And we should run to God with it.

Will Smith's last interaction is with Keira Knightly's "Love."  At the end of their conversation, after Will Smith accuses her of betraying him, she responds by saying, “No. I was there in her eyes (his daughter's), and I'm with you now in your pain.”

What's greater about our hope is that we aren't waiting on a cosmic emotion. We are waiting on the God who embodied love, and demonstrated His devotion to the point of greater grief. He stands with us, and is with us both in our joys, and our sorrows. He helps us re-interpret it. He reminds us He is with us in the midst of it. And He encourages us with a hope that won't fade; Himself.