When I graduated college, I was
convinced I would never set forth in a classroom again. I hated
school. I spent 17 years straight taking exams, making projects,
writing papers, and reading endless books, and I was done.
Yet, when I felt a call into ministry,
the natural question everyone asked was, “Are you going to
seminary?”
I hated it. For one, I knew that I
didn't want to be a pastor. I had been accepted into DiscipleMakers
as a missionary to college students, and I loved the opportunities
that I had there, so I started to resent this idea that it would be
“better” for me to go to seminary and become a pastor.
Second, I was just tired of schooling.
I wanted to be in the “real world.” I didn't want to be stuck in
a campus bubble, nor did I want to be stuck in classrooms.
I vowed that I wouldn't go, not because
I didn't see value in it, but because I thought everything I could
learn, I would by being in the field.
It's been nearly ten years since then,
and, much like all other times I've said, “Never will I ever...”
God has gotten the last laugh. Starting January 2018, I will take my
first class at Westminster Theological Seminary in pursuit of a
Masters of Arts in Biblical Counseling. So how did I get from Spring
2008, where I said never, to now, where I'm begging for training?
1. God's Timing: While I trust
God will use seminary for my good, and will further equip me, there
was a lot of things I needed to learn while not in a classroom. I
needed to learn to master and leverage my emotion for good, rather
than let it control and consume me. I needed to face my fears of
what people thought of me. I needed to crash and burn, and receive
grace upon grace from Christ as I sought to learn from my mistakes.
2. Further Humbling: With those
mistakes, I learned I knew a lot less than I thought I did, and in
turn it made me more receptive to feedback, more patient to jump in
with an opinion, and more quick to listen. This was very helpful,
because in the past, I needed to prove myself. I had to be correct.
And I was quick to defend any point that I had, because I, often
wrongly, assumed it was contrary to Gospel. I needed humility to
realize that I could learn in any and every situation.
Proverbs 4:7 says, “The beginning of
wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.”
The past ten years has helped cultivate an attitude (though not a
complete one) of wisdom gathering, rather than prideful
point-proving.
3. Understanding and Fine-Tuning my
Gifts: One of the great things
about working in campus ministry, and especially with DiscipleMakers,
is that you have to learn so many different skills, even if you're
not naturally good at them. But while I've become a far better swiss
army knife, I've also learned where the Lord has gifted me over time.
I hadn't realized it, but I realized one of my real passions was
counseling. I deeply love digging in with people and helping them
process the junk they have gone through, and there's some natural
giftedness there.
But
with that giftedness, I also see just how limited I am in this area.
The more I explore and journey with people, the more I realize I'm
stuck. Now, part of this is good. I'm not Jesus. I'm not the Holy
Spirit. I don't have the power, nor the responsibility, to know just
exactly how to access the heart. But I want to know how to be more
effective. I want God to use me in ways that would bring miraculous
healing to the souls and spirits of those most deeply hurting.
So... with faith
in Christ, I'm doing the one thing I vowed I would never do: go to
seminary. I might be crazy. I might fail. But I trust that God
will use this for my good, and His glory. The fact that I want to go
is a start. After all, He is the one that put it on my heart.
