I often wonder why God chose me. I
don't have much to offer in terms of success or fame, and my track
record hasn't been stellar. I probably wrecked our fellowship more
than helped it when I was in college. I often struggle to run to God
for help. I'm a slow learner and mover. And I often question why
God would even want me, with all my faults, mistakes, and quirks.
There's been a history of people
walking out of my life, and of all living beings, the God of the
Universe should have every right to walk out the door with them. In
my self-depricating, pessimistic view, what do I have that would
compel God to stay?
But that's the wrong question.
What did God do to ransom sin-sick
orphans to Himself? He gave everything.
“In
love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ...”
(Ephesians 1:4b-5a) We were
orphans, but God adopted us through the death and resurrection of
Jesus.
This is why I wept this past Thursday.
In DiscipleMakers,
as we promote our staff, we encourage and honor them in front of the
whole team. It's an incredible honor. I found out two weeks ago
that I was to be promoted. Now, promotions in our ministry aren't
like that of the secular workforce. But it does mean I will be
entrusted with more responsibility, the reward of faithful stewards.
However, when I
found out, after my initial excitement, I was subdued. One of my
deep fears was I would get up there, and everyone else would look at
me and say, “Why is he there? He's not supposed to be there, what
were you thinking!?”
After I and a few
others were recognized, we prayed. And the men who prayed for us
were men who had invested deeply in me, even when it probably seemed
like I was a lost cause. Every reason to walk out on me. And they
didn't. They didn't give up when I gave them every reason to. And
as we prayed, I realized something else: I gave Jesus every reason to
walk out on me...and He refused.
Instead,
He began the slow, painful, glorifying process of sanctification, not
only affirming my sonship,
but making me more
and more into the man I am supposed to be, which will culminate in
Glory. I'm not the wayward orphan I was in the summer of 2005. I am
a valuable son
of God.
This
is why I wept. My life experience has been that I need to prove
myself to find love. And here I was again, feeling this deep
inadequacy that I had no right to be honored like this.
But God didn't give up on me, doing much to change me over the past
ten and a half years. And slowly, surely, I'm reflecting just a bit
more of the image of Jesus. And He's not leaving me, ever. He
committed to me to the point of death.
God
doesn't abandon His children. He's committed to working deeply in
our hearts. And even when we don't measure up, God reminds us that
our status in the family had nothing to do with our efforts. It has
everything to do with what He has done.
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