I was expecting the feeling of euphoria. Or at least the feeling of relief. Instead, I felt more anxiety still. More work had been done than expected, the lawn was mowed, trees trimmed, bushes pruned, weeds were pulled. Boxes were unpacked, furniture assembled, clean toys were sprawled out on the floor and being played with. One moment I was close to tears out of joy, and deep anxiety sprung forth the next.
There's so much left to do.
For every box we unpacked, it felt like there were ten more mocking me. For every job that was done, the to-do list only seemed to grow.
Set up the TV? Wait, that cable doesn't work? We never activated the cable line? We need to call the cable company?
Add that to the never-ending list.
At least I have the rest of the summer to catch up on all of my preparation for the fall... Oh wait. The fall starts next week. Students have all ready started to show up. And I feel exhausted. I feel spiritually dry. I feel distant from the Lord. How can I possibly bear the weight of the new semester?
Remember your Son-ship
My Mom was up this past weekend to help. At times, I wasn't exactly the most loving towards her. In spite of this, she purchased some of our groceries to get us back on our feet, took us out to three meals, and helped set up some of the things in our home. How did I repay her? By getting frustrated at her, and by secluding myself because I was exhausted. I was a terrible son.
But I'm still a Son
As she left, she told us to sit down, and she handed Heather and I each a $100 bill. "Here's some money just to have fun with," She said. Now, my Mom isn't rich, just generous with her children (which means she spoils her grandkids rotten!) We were thankful, and she left, but it didn't hit me until the next day the magnitude of this.
As I look to the fall semester, to my walk with God, to my house, it's not up to me. It's not up to my talents, efforts, or charisma. It's up to the God who gives me life in Jesus Christ. He doesn't need me. But He delights in using a broken, exhausted, sinner like me, because He purchased me with His blood and called me His Son.
Sometimes, I'm a terrible son. But I'm a son. And I'm His Son, who He deeply delights in.
If you are in Christ, that reality is true of you now!
If you aren't, it can be, through repentance and faith in Jesus. Do you want to be a Son or Daughter of the King of the Universe? Then run to God and trust that Jesus is enough to do it.